Percy Hawkes, licensed mental health therapist

What are men's groups? These are spaces for humans who identify as male - even loosely - to share their experiences, challenges, and feelings in a relatively safe and confidential environment. They help combat isolation, offer a sense of belonging, and assist individuals in practicing the type of sociality and personhood they'd like to cultivate. Areas addressed are: personal and interpersonal growth, men's issues, emotional/psychological well-being, whatever participants are thinking a lot about. Who can participate? Any adult who identifies as male, including straight, queer, trans, non-binary, and gender-fuck humans. Even those who don't like the label, but think they'd appreciate being in a group of humans with a similar lived experience are welcome. Participants have an initial phone call with the facilitator to assess for a good fit. When are there group openings? Tuesdays at 6:30 pm - in person, for 90 minutes. We have 2 openings at present. Thursdays at noon, in person. 2 openings starting June 12, 2025 Thursdays at 6:00 pm - in person, for 90 minutes. One opening now. Fridays at 8:00 am - all online group. We meet 3-4 Fridays a month, excluding 2nd Fridays of the month, for 90 minutes. We have 6 openings now, until filled. Online versus in-person? During the Covid pandemic we obviously met entirely online. Now most of the groups meet in-person, with a hybrid option to join online when sick or traveling, if desired. We have a couple of members with chronic health conditions that also join us weekly mostly online, but then in-person as able. We have a large screen in the physical room to allow us to see and hear participants when they are joining us remotely. The Friday all-online group started in response to requests from busy professionals, fathers, students, musicians, and those with unique schedules or needs who still wanted to reap the group process benefits without the commute time, or living further away from Portland. What's the cost? $50 to $80 per session, as decided by the participant. We have sliding scale options, please inquire. I aim to make these groups accessible, and try not to exclude persons based on cost. Do you bill insurance? No, unfortunately. I can provide a superbill which you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. About one fourth of my clients get reimbursed after submitting the superbill. Can you tell me more about these groups? Groups are capped at 8 participants, plus the facilitator, for optimal inclusion and getting to know each other. Group members have ranged from 19 to 86 years old. We are a supportive process-style group. After the initial call, you'll have a short on-boarding call to review the specific group-culture guidelines explicitly, to set you up for maximal benefit. We generally start with a check-in, an organic or structured conversation in the middle, and a check-out. All groups meet 90 minutes. What am I committing to? Specifically, after attending the first session, you commit to the 8 ish - week cycle. We take a break for a week, then repeat another 8 ish weeks cycle. Your commitment is only to the 8 week cycle at a time. Naturally people get sick or have to travel, so one or two absences are excusable and understandable. Showing up for yourself intentionally, and for the others who have volunteered themselves for this process is an important part of our collective experience. Men get to know each other over time and build important context. The average stay in the group is about 2 years, but again, your commitment is only to the multi-week block at a time. About the facilitator style: I create a predictable structure which still allows us to infuse whatever authentic / real topics are coming up for us. I strive to eliminate unnecessary hierarchy and formality, while recognizing the need for direction and attuned interventions at times. I vet participants well, so that afterwards I/we can trust that most group participants will self-correct/heal over time, with the advantage of hive mind and interactions. One of the benefits of an empowered environment and group culture is that there is not one model of rightness, but multiple ways of showing up authentically and with consideration for all. I particularly feel more at ease when differences in lived experience are welcomed, and different viewpoints, as this is one of the potential exceptional strengths of groups. What are partners and close people to men's group participants saying about this? Frankly, mentioning men's groups among women - and gay men - and in mental health circles is a party-starter topic, usually greeted with enthusiasm and lots of questions. My esteemed female colleagues throughout the years have been my biggest sources of referrals, as well as the men in the groups. Partners often report sensing greater authenticity, more sharing of the real topics, greater listening and holding of uncomfortable feelings and topics skills, less of a knee-jerk reaction to "fix" things immediately, more empathy and ability to validate other viewpoints, a greater ability to navigate complex interactions with increased nuance and self-regulation, a greater confidence and ease over time, and deepened friendships as a result of the growth and practice within the group. Why now? In this culture, world? Masculinity is in crisis, or in great evolution, with all of the competing cultural pulls nationally and internationally, especially recently. Polarization is encouraged culturally. We've lost the masculine gods of previous decades. Now what? These groups are part of that continuing conversation, questioning, and creating the world that we want to see together. More than ever, in my view, men's groups are a necessary part of our intentional unfolding and creating. AND each individual gets to choose for themself which combination of values, masculinity, and humanity they want to lead with. Can we sit together, democrats and republicans, vegans and omnivores, men of the global majority and white men, men of faith and atheists, straights and gays, cis and trans, polyamorous and monogamous, rural and city folk ...? That is the great question of the times. My honest hope and dream is YES. I welcome all kinds of men, and men uncomfortable with that word. Throughout the last couple of decades we've had all of the above in our groups, and I'm incredibly impressed by the affection and esteem that group members express openly with each other, and of the incredible awakening work that we do. It's not always easy or comfortable. It's almost always been worth it. I'm nervous, is this common? Yes. At first. Most men report feeling competitiveness with other men, a need to perform a certain type of way. Of course, our culture has contributed to this. Most men in the initial interview say that it's easier to talk with women, and they want to learn to talk more openly with other men. Voluntarily. Wow. So of course you're facing your fears - including other men - bravo. The thing is, the men that self-select for this type of venture really ARE wanting to show up with each other more open-hearted, less guarded, and just talk real about the things on their mind and heart hours of the day and week, WITH each other. There's the added plus of being able to talk freely about the topics closest to you, including ones that you've had difficulty talking with your partner(s) about, so that you can gain additional clarity, and return to your relationships with greater capacity, skill, and grace. For most participants, the initial fears rapidly are normalized and melt, seeing other men share authentically. Those men with additional layers of trauma around men are encouraged to first do significant individual therapy. Still, our Pacific-Northwest culture, groups, and my style, do not intentionally stoke conflict among group members. Why a men-specific group? Each demographic has its unique challenges and benefits from meeting with each other to discuss and process. When the demographic re-enters the mainstream, it understands itself better and is ideally more successful and helpful in their collaborative interactions with others. What topics do you commonly encounter? Some of our more common topics throughout the years have been: relationships, anger, parenting, expectations of masculinity - silent and overt, loneliness, sex, porn, intrusive thoughts, humor, grief, job transition and identity, love... What other groups are there? In the recent past I've facilitated queer groups, body dysmorphia groups, agoraphobia groups, erotic awakening discussion groups, and open heart circle groups. As of April 2025, I'm currently facilitating 3 men's groups. A fourth men's group starts in May, Fridays at 8:00 am PST, an all-online group. What groups are possibly next? Of great interest to me in the near future is a Spanish-speaking Helpers and Healers group, second-tier men's groups that culminate in 2-day retreats or similar, and platonic structured all-gender cuddle groups. Also on my mind are couple's intimacy groups, panqueer groups, and one-time event groups of various topics. I'm consulting with various colleague to do future short-term group iterations from food-relationship to grief and international citizen multiple-identity intersections. Other practitioners and clients are welcome to suggest needed collaborations that would fill community needs and nourish / heal / enliven those involved. Our physical collective space - The Portland Queer Healers Collective - was built with the Group Room as a central feature for community. While we are all independent practitioners, we share physical space and some group collaborations. Percy's history with groups: I've facilitated and co-lead groups formally since I was 31 years old, 20 years ago. It started with my journey coming out, particularly coming out of a religious and family culture that tabooed dozens of important life topics. Groups saved my life, literally. I became involved with the Mankind Project, later staffing and leading several trainings myself, including their highly recommended New Warrior Training Adventure - a weekend experience. Before I became a mental health therapist I co-facilitated men's groups from my home weekly for over a decade. I continue to find groups a central, invigorating, and important part of my life work. Is this the same as individual therapy? No. Individual therapy is a much more controlled environment, allowing the necessary healing work to proceed more incrementally with less factors and viewpoints. Individual therapy personally continues to be a life-line for me, and one of the best investments I've made in myself and my future. Group work has more people in the room, most of whom have not gone to graduate school for mental health, but nonetheless have self-selected out of sincere and real interest in bettering themselves collectively. Often their spontaneous heart-felt reflections are worth more gold than the "professionals" trained words to the hearer, precisely because of their non-scripted sincerity. This occasionally unintentionally goes the other way too, and participants usually understand. While groups also share some similar guidelines around confidentiality, authenticity, healing, and attunement, there is more risk with a larger number of people. Group work is not for everyone, at every stage of their life. For many it takes significant preparation. That said, the very risks that are aversive for some, at certain stages of their life, make group work especially desirable for others: more viewpoints, an up-close view of other people's lives and struggles, allowing articulations and insights one hadn't even previously thought of, a speed and inclusivity that can be more expansive than one-on-one, and the ability to practice sociality broadly, facing feelings and situations, to ideally experience the social reward on the other side of the risk. Many humans come to group work having been wounded in a human cluster - family, playground, team, neighborhood, religion, specific culture, gender - and appropriately find resolution and healing, a re-writing of the internal narrative in a deeply felt way, in a group of humans. This controlled, facilitated environment hopes to do just that for many. Why the title of support / process group? Typically in the therapeutic world a strict process group is viewed as focusing more explicitly on the immediacy of the interactions between group members. This can be viewed as confrontational by some, while helpful for others. A strict support group is typically themed around a certain subject, like cancer survival, grief and loss, domestic violence, parenting, etc. I wanted to combine the sense of supportiveness around a theme - in this case masculinity broadly, a common and varied experience among participants, while also sometimes addressing the immediacy of our group relationships, as we come to know and mean something to each other week after week. I didn't want to impose a rigid structure, but allow it to be more organic, and have a more inclusive nourishing feel if possible. While at the same time being brave to address whatever was in the room. These are the words I've chosen for now to attempt to accurately describe the group experience. When was this updated? April 2025 How do I get started? Contact Percy for a no-cost 20 minute phone call to see if it's a good fit!